UnF**king Facebook

     You know, America spent 100,001 YEARS (true story) on Facebook last month, and they reward us by unveiling this POS update?

    Fortunately, clever facebooker, Thomas Sobiech, figured it all out! He says, "Create a custom list and name it 'Most Recent.' Add all of your friends to it. Once created, this list will look and behave exactly like your old news feed.”

    Once the customized list is created, every new friend will have to be added to it. You can manage the content displayed under “Manage Lists” and then “Choose Update Types” to hide certain types of posts, such as annoying game updates. Those of you with fewer friends will find the workaround much easier than the asses with thousands of friends. Perhaps, those DBags will think twice before “friending” everyone under the sun.
    Sadly, this does nothing to correct that weird status ticker, which we’ll have to put up with until Facebook fixes this mess, or we all leave FB like we left MySpace.  Google+ is looking really good after today.



P.S., You can try to share this link if you’d like, though I doubt the new update will allow anyone to see it. Feel free to send this via personal link with everyone. Ctrl-Z the madness!

More powerful than Oprah?

In a list dominated by politicians like Hillary Clinton and Michelle Obama, Lady Gaga has reached #11 on the Forbes’ 100 Most Powerful Women List. Beating out Oprah Winfrey, Beyoncè Knowles, and Angelina Jolie; Mother Monster brought in a $90 million salary last year, and the make-up line she endorses raised over $202 million to fight HIV/AIDS. Not bad for a college dropout.



No word on any planned retaliation from Harpo, but I’m sure that Angelina would be willing to adopt Winfrey if she falls any further down the list.

Can't be unseen

In 1984, a nerd commando fraternity was put on probation by Dean Ulich for a crime they didn't commit. These nerds promptly escaped from a maximum security gymnasium to the college underground.
Two years later, still wanted by the government, Dudley "Booger" Dawson changed his name and began climbing the political ladder.
If you have a problem, if no one else can help, and if you can find them....maybe you can hire The ΛΛΛ-team.

Dudley "Booger" Dawson, in 1984.

Dudley Dawson/Anthony Blair in 1986

Gilbert Lowe went on to co-star in Top Gun, but Booger was PM of England!

An open letter to the kids who grew up just before us

DC here,
     I was born in 1986, and while I remember the 90's, I have no real recollection of the 80's.  However, I've seen all the reruns that Saturday Morning Cartoons could offer, and I've got questions for people born between 1978-81.

More like the power of GAYskull, amirite?

    Did you acknowledge that He-man was gay? If not, how could you ignore the facts?  Most obvious, his name is Prince Albert, a name shared by a male genital peircing. He used the most phallic sword in cartoons. Dude was totally a euphamism for a closeted gay, when he grabbed his phallus and said his magic words, he became a stronger man with too little clothing.  The question is not whether or not he WAS gay, that's a given, it's did you realize it as children?

Wouldn't all her movies be blue films?

    Did you realize that smurfette was the only female smurf? The sad implications of just how slutty she must have been are mind-boggling.  I'm not even mentioning the fact that all the children would eventually have to grow up to get into incestuous relationships with one another. Gross.

I pity the fools who think this guy is cool.

    Mr T.  Just wow.  Although our age group had to live down Dennis Rodman, so...

LOL, his best friend's name was Boner!

    What did you guys do to Kirk Cameron that turned him into the super douche that he is now? Seriously, how much molestation is required to make someone SUCH A CUNT? Emmanuel Lewis used to hang out with Michael Jackson and he never got this bad. This video is all the proof you need.

The reasons to watch women's sports.

DC here,

    I didn't want a Top Ten list for Females in sports, I thought it was disrespectful to the now-copious amounts of Professional Female Athletes.  These are just the single hottest women in their sports, enjoy.

    Freestyle Skiing; making a boring, snobish sport into a trick-filled semi X-game.  Ashleigh McIvor eared an Olympic Gold Medal for Canada, a World Ski Championship Gold Medal, and an X-Games Silver Medal.

I'd slide down HER slopes, KNOWHAIMSAYIN?

    Erin Phillips is damned hot, though she plays in the WNBA, which is the second biggest sports-joke in the US, second only to Arena Football.  Phillips now plays in America, but represented Austrailia in the 2008 Olympics. That said, I don't care what country she earned it for, a Silver Medal will look good on the ol' nightstand.

She comes from a land down under, where she glows and I'd plunder (her).

    The LGPA, most guys are convinced that the L stands for lesbian, but nothing can be farther from the truth... or at least I hope so while looking at the hottest Pro-Golfer, Natalie Gulbis. The LPGA Champion in 2005 (by the way, does the winner get a green corset?) she also took the U.S. and British Women's Open.  2005 must have been a good year for sinking a putt. Pun intended.

I'd put a ball on her rough.

    Olympic level swimming is a hard game that does a body good (milk is so last decade), especially with the hottest swimmer, Amanda Beard. With a total of SEVEN olympic medals under her belt, she's got talent as well as sex appeal.  The best part of her medals, is that she won them for the U.S.A., screw the terrorists.

Just pretend I just made a joke about staying wet, and leave it at that.

    Not many people outside of players would ever call Billiards a sport, but Jennifer Barretta could have all of us reconsidering.  There's not much of a bio for her, but I'll find more of a story for you readers.  Until I do, enjoy the pic.

I want her to teach me to play pool. I stick my cue in her center pocket, right?

    Now, I don't care WHAT you say, NASCAR is not, nor ever will be a sport. It's driving in a circle. The cars are the athletes, the drivers just steer. Danica Patrick gets to be NASCAR's hottest girl almost by default, since she's one of 19 in the entire "sport".  In 2008, Danica became the first woman to win an Indy Car race, so if not definitively an "athlete", she's at least a record holder. That record earns her a spot with the other athletes on this blog.

I'd like to take a look under that hood.

    This is easily my favorite new athlete and the inspiration for this entire post. I have so much respect for Miss Ashley Fiolek that it's rediculous... How can you competitively race a dirtbike WHEN YOU CAN'T HEAR YOUR COMPETETORS???  Amazing.  She won the 2008 WMA Pro National Champion and currently races for Team Red Bull.  She looks so cute, I don't need Red Bull to wake up, but don't tell them that, lest they pull the ads.

She really revs my two-stroke! Pops my wheelie? Motocross jokes are hard... giggity.

    Softball has always been baseball's weak cousin, but until we have a WMLB (which we won't), it'll have to be our source of hot women in ALMOST America's favorite passtime.  Jennie Finch became the most famous softball player in US History, which makes her about as famous as the best AAA League BASEball players.  Jennie won the USA two gold medals over two olympics, one Silver and one Gold.  She retired from softball to focus on her family, but still made the time to get fired on Celebrity Aprentice in 2008.

I'd lead off of First Base just to see her toss that big ball.

     Brandi Chastain may have captured our attention when she stripped her jersey in 1999, but it's Heather Mitts who is the hottest girl in soccer.  Having two Olympic Gold Medals for soccer, she's made us all proud and made those European soccer hags eat dirt.  She currently plays for the Philadelphia Independence and is slated to represent The US in the 2011 FIFA Women's World Cup.

Her Soccer skill may result in a foot fetish, just so you know.

    Snowboarding, the punk younger brother of Skiing that lets surfers play in the snow.  We may never know whether Shaun White or Tony Hawk is cooler (coughcoughTonygoddamnedhawkcough), but we know that Gretchen Bleiler is the hottest Snowboarder in the pipes.  She has FIVE X-Games medals (four of them are GOLD, one silver) and helped create the Snow Angel's Invitational, before she was thirty.  It's almost a shame that she snowboards, since that requires way too many clothes.

 I wonder if she knows how to trick around a FULL-pipe?

    This girl frightens me in the best way, she's a Muay Thai champion and is known as 'The Face of Women's MMA'. Gina Carano is BUILT, Gina Carano is HOT, and I don't care how in shape I am - I'll always let her kick my ass. Aside from beating ass, she's also modelled and stared in Ring Girls, a cult film about women Muay Thai fighters.  Most impresively (to people of my generation, anyway) she's been an american-fucking-gladiator.

Make no caption jokes? Yes Ma'am.

     By now, you're probably wondering why I've yet to mention a surfer. Why have I ignored the girls who's unforms are either skintight wetsuits or bikinis. It wasn't easy to pick just one, with so many hot girls out on the waves. I finally had to narrow it down to just one hot surfer girl, Karina Petroni. She's hot enough to melt snow if she tried to snowboard, so we turn on ESPN2 to watch her work the board. Watching her barefoot on her shortboard is enough to give you a longboard, and she makes me wanna whip out the Sex Wax for a little double overhead. These surf puns doing anything for you? If not, just enjoy the pic.

If she can hold her breath, I've got a diving exercise for her.

Shoot us a line at TerriblyMellow@gmail.com or follow us on Twitter!

Gotham is the most city in Comics.

    DC here,
    I wanted to talk about something very important to me, Gotham and the DC universe. Specifically, WHY Gotham is so important to the success to of the DC universe. This could easily turn into a pissing contest between DC and Marvel nerds, but I will attempt to stay away from the Marvel side of the tracks in order to keep fanboy tears to a minimum(that's a later, less important, blog).

The most stubborn hero in comics, given a weapon powered by will power. Marvel loses.

    DC is drastically more complicated than Gotham, but it's influence can't be overstated.  As a life-long Batman fan, I've never really taken the time to explore the rest of the DC universe.  Until 2005, I'd never even read another title (I flipped through an X-Men when I was younger, but never really read it).  It was reading the other DC titles that I found another world, a fantasy world of which I'd been blissfully unaware.
    Gotham's success can be attributed to a simple formula: Slightly Exaggerated Realism + Realistic Characters = Awesome.

DC fans understand the true tragedy of this scene... and the birth of Oracle.

    Now, I'm not saying that everything is realistic nor plausible, but the characters are REAL. They are 3-dimensional. They are deep. They love. They hate. They remember. They grow closer over even a single story-arc. Their lives fall apart around them as they maintain the petty grievances that motivate them. The villains' psychiatric short-comings are easily identified and follow real-world cycles/triggers.  The world is realistic, populated by real people.  That is Gotham.

DC fans know that real people are brutally murdered by the villains.

    Who doesn't sympathize with the unfortunate Psychiatric Intern who fell in love with her patient? The young businessman seeking revenge for his fallen parents? The timid latchkey child who grew into a criminal mastermind living behind his ventriloquist dummy?  Even the chaos-driven, homicidal killer clown? We love the Gotham populace in a way we can't relate to with the denizens of Seattle, Metropolis, or Denver.  Who has ever worshiped Lex Luthor even remotely close to the way we idolize The Joker? Who among us cared about Sinestro and his personal life like we did Harley Quinn and hers?  Who among us doesn't understand that Bruce Wayne is the facade to Batman?  Bob Kane and Bill Finger created another world, Jerry Siegel and Joe Shuster wrote a story.

DC fans know how tragic this love story is.

    No disrespect intended to Superman and the world of Metropolis, but the Batman Family and the Rogues Gallery are on a higher level.  For future insights on individual Gotham characters, be sure to follow the blog (click 'follow' on the right), or follow us on Twitter!

Lenny Bruce is STILL not afraid

    DC here,
    Predicting the end of the world/civilization is like guessing the winner of the next Kid's Choice Awards, you're probably wrong and no one cares. However, if you're reading this, I assume that there wasn't a rapture this weekend. Which kind of sucks, because I really wanted a world without self-righteous D-bags. I'm not saying that all Christians are self-righteous D-bags, I'm saying that some Christians are self-righteous D-bags. Just like some atheist are extremely self-righteous. As are some Jewish people, as well as some (coughcoughmajoritycough) Muslim people are self-righteous.  After a rapture, all the Christians are gone and everyone else is proven wrong... let's see those of us who'd be "left behind" have much of an ego after that.

"The Christians are gone?!? QUICKLY, NOW! CHANGE THE TEXTBOOKS BEFORE THEY RETURN!"

   Obviously, like every other prediction in the last two thousand years, this one didn't come to fruition either. Though it put a huge damper in my looting/shooting/building better society plans, but what better way to cheer myself up than looking back and laugh at some of the biggest flops?

• Pat Robertson heard from it from a friend who heard it from a friend who heard it from a friend you were messing around.

    Actually, Robertson claimed to have heard from God himself that the world would end in 1982, but I couldn't resist a REO Speedwagon reference.  Apparently, he claimed on The 700 Club (named after the audience's COLLECTIVE IQ) that in 1982, Armageddon would begin and 7 years of suffering would ensue.
    His Proof? The same proof offered up time and time again by his people, "God told me."
    Evidence to the contrary? Why would any god pick the biggest A-Hole on the planet to be the recipient of his word? This is the same guy who said America deserved 9/11. Case closed.

Fire-Spewing Demons, Whores, Dragons, Living Dead; The Biblical Apocalypse is Metal as Hell... no pun intended

• Computers too stupid for a date-change?

   Ah, Y2K!  As a bit of a survivalist myself, I LOVE LOVE LOVED this one!  There was a fear that computers, which can calculate the exact SECOND to launch a rocket in order to intercept MARS, would try to change Dec 31st, 1999 into Jan 1st, 1900. Why? Because a short-sighted programmer didn't realize that a two-digit year would come back and bite him in the ass.  The fear that all of the world's nukes would launch, our airplanes would fall out of the sky and our banks would shut down had the modern world trembling (the third world didn't really care) and the survivalists stocking up on more food than Star Jones the day before her lipo.
    The Proof? The two-digit year calendar system used in computer programming.
    Evidence to the Contrary? These same computers can calculate pi to an nearly-infinite degree in seconds... they can handle a two-digit year change.

"Gee, golly, gosh! You mean it's NOT 1911?"

• Man-Made Black Hole to swallow everything!

    Unlike most of these world-ending scenarios, this one has a infinitesimally small chance of actually happening. The Large Hadron Collider was scheduled to be powered on in Sept 2008, helping us humans understand physics to a degree never before imagined... there was just a chance that it would create black holes in the process. This is where the naysayers stopped reading and began freaking the hell out.  Assuming that one of these black holes would basically eat the earth, Special interests groups sprang up all over the place trying to have the project stopped
    Of course, the LHC was started without a hitch, although SCHRODINGER's Large Hadron Collider both destroyed the world and didn't at the same time. (ten hive-fives if you get this joke without using Google)
    The Proof?  ACTUALLY, there was a chance that the LHC would create black holes, although the odds were 198,000,000,000,000:1 and nobody mentions that the blackholes created would be microscopic and would only have enough force to consume themselves.

A Black Hole warning that DIDN'T come from Hawking? We should have known better.

• In 1806, the chicken didn't come at all.

    The Prophet Hen of Leeds was a poor chicken who, in 1806, began laying eggs with the phrase 'Christ is Coming' inscribed on the shell.  Impressed? The local villagers sure were, they 'repented' and awaited their lord, I'm sure they swore off poultry for a while too.
    The Proof? The Chicken was, in fact, laying eggs with the words on them.
    The Funny Part? Well, one day, the villagers wanted to catch the first look of their Mother Hen Madonna laying... only to find the hen's farmer with the pre-scribed egg in one hand, and an upside-down hen in the other. In order to make believers out of his friends and neighbors, Farmer Frown was shoving eggs up that poor chicken's ass!

When reached for comment, she only said, "I got clucked."

• Miller Time?

    In 1844, a Baptist Minister by the name of William Miller predicted that the end of the world would come in October 22nd of that year. His followers, the creatively named Millerites, gave away all of their possessions and eagerly awaited. When Oct 22nd came and went, the now-poor followers were understandably pissed. It came to be known as 'The Great Disappointment", although I wish we could have saved that moniker for 'The Book of Eli'
    Proof? Nada, "God told him"

Seriously? They couldn't have held out using that phrase for another couple of hundred years?

     There you go, five of the silliest world-ending scenarios that never were. Hopefully, you'll think of at least one before you trust in anyone telling you that the world is over (I'm looking at you, 2012) and you can laugh at others rather than yourself in retrospect. 

Metal, it comes from hell!

Hey, guys, it's Tom,
    Follow me through an adventure filled with great music, friends, community, and sex, lots of sex. I call this adventure 'Hair Metal'. That's right, I'm bringing it back. It's high time we brought back one of the most pivotal musical movements of the 80's and 90's. This music has a special place in my heart. If you've ever been to a hair metal concert, you know what I'm talking about. There's a special electricity that envelops an audience at a hair metal concert. Everyone is pumping their fists, singing along, drinking, dry humping and generally having a good time. Hair metal shows are not only known for the awesome music that is played during the concert, but also the on-stage performances. 

    Bands such as KISS were well known for the live on-stage performances. Gene Simmons would breathe fire, ya know for kicks. 

 Fuck Dragons, I got this shit!

Now, while many of the great hair metal acts still tour, we need fresh blood infused into the genre.

Rock and Roll is the only known cure for Diabeetus

America, and the world, needs to be reminded of the glory that is hair metal.

Fortunately for all of us, there is a band that keeps the spirit of Hair Metal alive. This reincarnation comes in the form of a small band based out of Boston that goes by the name of Bang Camaro. Want to go to a show that captures that spirit of the hair metal show, then see these guys in action. I guarantee you will not be disappointed.Fortunately for all of us, there is a band that keeps the spirit of Hair Metal alive. This reincarnation comes in the form of a small band based out of Boston that goes by the name of Bang Camaro. Want to go to a show that captures that spirit of the hair metal show, then see these guys in action. I guarantee you will not be disappointed.

Disagree? Hit us up at TerriblyMellow@gmail.com I'm outy 500

MOTHER OF GOD! Best Update Ever!

DC here with a Special unscheduled Post!

I posted this meme pic as a joke at the end of our Paris Hilton/Batwoman blog a couple of posts ago.

IN THE MEANTIME, I'VE FOUND PROOF (via Google) THAT IT'S REAL!!!!!

WHAT HAS SCIENCE DONE?!?!?!?

If you have more proof, feel free to email us at TerriblyMellow@gmail.com

So shall it be written, so shall it be done

    Today, we put together a list of observed Video Game standards so cliche that they're practically laws. From weightless money to a lazy cure-all, we cover just a few of the new Video Game rules.

McGreevey's HotSpot - It should be pretty much common knowledge that even if you don't scour every map for health and goodies, you still check the bathroom. This is a cliche that I hope never goes out of style, because I've gotten pretty lazy about looking for goodies. It does have it's downside; in Left 4 Dead, you use adrenaline shots and bottles of 'pills' to replenish your health and using needles and taking pills found on bathroom floors has definite hygienic drawbacks. Named after former a NJ Governor, who knew that bathrooms were the spot to find action.

In that toilet, there's a hypodermic needle with your vein's name on it.

Link's Lethargy - Sleeping in video games will cure all ails, ALL AILS! You've just been horribly burned by a flamethrower in the middle of nowhere? Sleep it off! A posse of cattlewranglers just shot you full of holes? Take a nap! Applied to real life, a coma would cure cancer. Named after one of the most famous video game sleepers, Link.

I'm healing myself, you wanna fight about it? Well, OK, when I wake up.

Carmine's Luck- If you've ever played Gears of War 1 or 2, there comes a time where your heart went out to one of the Carmine Brothers. These brothers survive everything, except a cutscene. Also, why did they let go of Benjamin Carmine in the helicopter? Four burly Gears, who are strapped-in, all just LET GO of that poor bastard. Carmine's luck states that a side character can survive ANYTHING, except for a stray bullet in a pivotal cutscene.

"...tell...my wife... keep our boy out of the cutscenes..."

McClane's Burden - You are the only one that can ever make a difference and your team will always have the most important missions. Named for John McClane from Die Hard and just like him, your character will have the weight of the world of their shoulders.  Need backup? You are the back up. Want air support? Get in the helicopter so you can be dropped off.  Compromised when you were taken POW on a secret mission to Cuba? We don't care, continue saving the world.  You're just an Italian plumber from New Jersey? You're clearly the most qualified for crossing the occupied mushroom kingdom and saving the captured princess.

Yippe Aye-a Cay-a Yay, Mother-a Fucker, it's-a me, MARIO!

Doom's Doors - A locked door is the strongest substance on earth (screw diamond).  No amount of explosives can hurt a locked door. These pieces of shit mock you as you unload every bit of munitions in your possession upon it. You've unloaded enough firepower to wipe out a medium-sized civilization, and yet there that door stands, mocking you, denying your passing worse than any the West Berlin armed forces in 1983. If we need further Nuclear testing, let's pray it's done on the other side of these doors.

This door is harder to break than the color barrier in Iceland.

Valentine's Volumes - Anyone who's ever written a journal has had the most insight to your problem ever. Have no idea where to go or who to talk to in order to further your quest? Start reading people personal journals. In video games, you'll never find a sordid, lusty affair, but you're sure to find a hint to solving the mystery of the haunted mansion.

"Chris took Jill into his arms and softly kissed her neck. Nibbling a trail to her ears, he softly whispered, 'Turn the golden statue counter-clockwise while tapping X.'

The Liberal Agenda - Need a new gun? Goooood news everybody! Your enemies will never stop to pick up a weapon dropped by their comrades. Only in Cali and Mass will you find this many people ignoring free weapons laying EVERYWHERE. When in comes to WASTED resources, Video Game Baddies have taken the top spot. Despite having unlimited ammo themselves, you'd think they'd at least stop you from collecting more, but no. They enjoy being annihilated by friendly bullets.


"I don't need no stinking guns."

Mario's Money - You have inventory limits based on how strong you are. That makes sense! However, in a game where the currency is solid gold coins, and THERE'S NO WEIGHT LIMIT ON COINS! You have a level two character who can only carry six arrows at a time, but you have 6,000,000gp. If a gold coin weighs as little as an ounce, that's almost 188 TONS. WTF? Until we can fashion the gold into bullets, we're stuck with practically worthless cash. The real irony won't hit until you're fighting a bunch of werewolves, then you'll wish you had silver coins.



I'm a lv7 thief... they'll never see me coming.


    That wraps up for now, we'll be adding more as we can observe them.  If you want to bitch at us, or make suggestions, email us at TerriblyMellow@gmail.com. I'm Outy 500.

CAN we dance if we wanna?

DC here,
    The Safety Dance is arguably one of my guiltiest pleasures. I LOVE THIS SONG! However, recently I started thinking: How does one do the safety dance? We're told that we can dance if we want to, but listeners are never given instructions on how to do said safety dance.

Looks more like Men WITH hats, except for one asshole.

    When you listen to 'Time Warp', you're told how to do the Time Warp. It's just a jump to the left (and then you step to the right), you put your hands on your hips (you bring your knees in tight). The Cha Cha Slide, The Cupid Shuffle, even the Hokey Pokey! We know how to do these dances, because the songs let us know. The Safety Dance has no instructions at all.
    Is the secret of the Safety Dance in the lyrics? If so, then (obviously) in order to do the Safety Dance, one must "dress real neat, from your hands to your feet" and "act like you come from out of this world" and EVERYBODY LOOK AT YOUR HANDS. What does that even mean?  Men Without Hats = Men with hand fetishes?
    Is looking at your hands the entire dance? If that's the case then there are several short-bus loads of children who accidentally know the safety dance.  Everybody who's ever been to a rave accidentally knows the safety dance. Anyone on acid accidentally knows the safety dance.  Checking out a hang nail? You just did the safety dance.

SAFETY!!!!!!!!!!

    I say we just imitate the video and skip around making S's with our arms. That can be the Safety Dance.  We'll dress real neat (which is cosplaying for a Renaissance), make air-S's from wall-to-wall and then surprise 'em with a victory cry! We CAN dance, damn it, no thanks to the Men Without Hats.

They can dance, but they won't share their knowledge.

    To you, MWH, I say you suck! Did you ever wonder why you only had one hit? Think about that next time you sing about mysterious dances. Think about that next time you tease the entire world singing about some enigmatic jig with no instruction to the public on HOW.  Screw you, Men Without Hats.

Tonight I will attempt to travel back in time and change history. You'll know I've succeeded if Germany loses WWII, and Wed comes AFTER Tue.

DC here,
    Tom and I were discussing the awesome that is Bruce Wayne. That dude is megarich, a handsome playboy, and THE GODDAMNED BATMAN. Most importantly, he's the closest that us regular people will ever be to a real superhero.  All it took was some training and his billions to spend on gadgets.
    Forbes lists Bruce Wayne's net worth at over $7.0B, which would make him richer than Ralph Lauren and Giorgio Armani. That's pretty f-ing rich if you consider that Richard Hilton (Paris' ashamed father) only has a net worth of $300M and we're all a bit jealous of him (daughter notwithstanding).
    I bring up Richard Hilton for a very important reason.

    We. Have. To. Kill. Him.

I've seen my daughter blowing an idiot, please kill me.

    Now, I'm not suggesting that we go out and murder this poor dude tomorrow. No, we have to travel back in time to 1986 and kill him, his wife, Kathy, and his (at the time) youngest daughter, Nicky in front of 5yr old Paris.  Come with me on a journey to 1986, where we'll be slaughtering a family and creating a real life Batgirl.

Yep, time travel to the 80's. Here's the obligatory Marty McFly reference.

    Ah, 1986! Falco is being rocked by Amadeus. Robert Palmer is Addicted to Love. Oh yeah, and a space shuttle blew up. Tragedy.  Not to mention, I was born, making this the greatest year of ever.  Most importantly, Paris Hilton is 5 years old and the oldest of two children to Richard and Kathy Hilton.  Now is the time to strike! We'll wait until they're out on a family outing and we'll gun down the unfortunate heirs to Barron Hilton's fortune, leaving young Paris orphaned and alone.  The Batman formula will take over from there. Of course, one of us will have to stay in the past and ensure she develops correctly... taking an interest in martial arts, loathing firearms, saving her money until she needs gadgets, etc.

I'm the goddamned Batwoman.

    Why Paris Hilton? It has to be someone with inherited money. It has to be someone who can be easily manipulated.  She's a perfect candidate.  Plus, imagine how much better off we'll be! No DUIs, no bad sex tape, no ill-advised show with that other rich whore. Most importantly, Los Angeles will have a fucking SUPERHEROINE!

This could be real! FUCKING REAL!



Wanna come with us? Email us at: TerriblyMellow@gmail.com