Saturday, May 14, 2011

CAN we dance if we wanna?

DC here,
    The Safety Dance is arguably one of my guiltiest pleasures. I LOVE THIS SONG! However, recently I started thinking: How does one do the safety dance? We're told that we can dance if we want to, but listeners are never given instructions on how to do said safety dance.
Looks more like Men WITH hats, except for one asshole.

    When you listen to 'Time Warp', you're told how to do the Time Warp. It's just a jump to the left (and then you step to the right), you put your hands on your hips (you bring your knees in tight). The Cha Cha Slide, The Cupid Shuffle, even the Hokey Pokey! We know how to do these dances, because the songs let us know. The Safety Dance has no instructions at all.
    Is the secret of the Safety Dance in the lyrics? If so, then (obviously) in order to do the Safety Dance, one must "dress real neat, from your hands to your feet" and "act like you come from out of this world" and EVERYBODY LOOK AT YOUR HANDS. What does that even mean?  Men Without Hats = Men with hand fetishes?
    Is looking at your hands the entire dance? If that's the case then there are several short-bus loads of children who accidentally know the safety dance.  Everybody who's ever been to a rave accidentally knows the safety dance. Anyone on acid accidentally knows the safety dance.  Checking out a hang nail? You just did the safety dance.

    I say we just imitate the video and skip around making S's with our arms. That can be the Safety Dance.  We'll dress real neat (which is cosplaying for a Renaissance), make air-S's from wall-to-wall and then surprise 'em with a victory cry! We CAN dance, damn it, no thanks to the Men Without Hats.

They can dance, but they won't share their knowledge.
    To you, MWH, I say you suck! Did you ever wonder why you only had one hit? Think about that next time you sing about mysterious dances. Think about that next time you tease the entire world singing about some enigmatic jig with no instruction to the public on HOW.  Screw you, Men Without Hats.

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