Monday, May 30, 2011

The reasons to watch women's sports.

DC here,
    I didn't want a Top Ten list for Females in sports, I thought it was disrespectful to the now-copious amounts of Professional Female Athletes.  These are just the single hottest women in their sports, enjoy.

    Freestyle Skiing; making a boring, snobish sport into a trick-filled semi X-game.  Ashleigh McIvor eared an Olympic Gold Medal for Canada, a World Ski Championship Gold Medal, and an X-Games Silver Medal.
I'd slide down HER slopes, KNOWHAIMSAYIN?
    Erin Phillips is damned hot, though she plays in the WNBA, which is the second biggest sports-joke in the US, second only to Arena Football.  Phillips now plays in America, but represented Austrailia in the 2008 Olympics. That said, I don't care what country she earned it for, a Silver Medal will look good on the ol' nightstand.
She comes from a land down under, where she glows and I'd plunder (her).
    The LGPA, most guys are convinced that the L stands for lesbian, but nothing can be farther from the truth... or at least I hope so while looking at the hottest Pro-Golfer, Natalie Gulbis. The LPGA Champion in 2005 (by the way, does the winner get a green corset?) she also took the U.S. and British Women's Open.  2005 must have been a good year for sinking a putt. Pun intended.
I'd put a ball on her rough.

    Olympic level swimming is a hard game that does a body good (milk is so last decade), especially with the hottest swimmer, Amanda Beard. With a total of SEVEN olympic medals under her belt, she's got talent as well as sex appeal.  The best part of her medals, is that she won them for the U.S.A., screw the terrorists.
Just pretend I just made a joke about staying wet, and leave it at that.
    Not many people outside of players would ever call Billiards a sport, but Jennifer Barretta could have all of us reconsidering.  There's not much of a bio for her, but I'll find more of a story for you readers.  Until I do, enjoy the pic.
I want her to teach me to play pool. I stick my cue in her center pocket, right?

    Now, I don't care WHAT you say, NASCAR is not, nor ever will be a sport. It's driving in a circle. The cars are the athletes, the drivers just steer. Danica Patrick gets to be NASCAR's hottest girl almost by default, since she's one of 19 in the entire "sport".  In 2008, Danica became the first woman to win an Indy Car race, so if not definitively an "athlete", she's at least a record holder. That record earns her a spot with the other athletes on this blog.
I'd like to take a look under that hood.

    This is easily my favorite new athlete and the inspiration for this entire post. I have so much respect for Miss Ashley Fiolek that it's rediculous... How can you competitively race a dirtbike WHEN YOU CAN'T HEAR YOUR COMPETETORS???  Amazing.  She won the 2008 WMA Pro National Champion and currently races for Team Red Bull.  She looks so cute, I don't need Red Bull to wake up, but don't tell them that, lest they pull the ads.
She really revs my two-stroke! Pops my wheelie? Motocross jokes are hard... giggity.
    Softball has always been baseball's weak cousin, but until we have a WMLB (which we won't), it'll have to be our source of hot women in ALMOST America's favorite passtime.  Jennie Finch became the most famous softball player in US History, which makes her about as famous as the best AAA League BASEball players.  Jennie won the USA two gold medals over two olympics, one Silver and one Gold.  She retired from softball to focus on her family, but still made the time to get fired on Celebrity Aprentice in 2008.
I'd lead off of First Base just to see her toss that big ball.

     Brandi Chastain may have captured our attention when she stripped her jersey in 1999, but it's Heather Mitts who is the hottest girl in soccer.  Having two Olympic Gold Medals for soccer, she's made us all proud and made those European soccer hags eat dirt.  She currently plays for the Philadelphia Independence and is slated to represent The US in the 2011 FIFA Women's World Cup.
Her Soccer skill may result in a foot fetish, just so you know.

    Snowboarding, the punk younger brother of Skiing that lets surfers play in the snow.  We may never know whether Shaun White or Tony Hawk is cooler (coughcoughTonygoddamnedhawkcough), but we know that Gretchen Bleiler is the hottest Snowboarder in the pipes.  She has FIVE X-Games medals (four of them are GOLD, one silver) and helped create the Snow Angel's Invitational, before she was thirty.  It's almost a shame that she snowboards, since that requires way too many clothes.
 I wonder if she knows how to trick around a FULL-pipe?

    This girl frightens me in the best way, she's a Muay Thai champion and is known as 'The Face of Women's MMA'. Gina Carano is BUILT, Gina Carano is HOT, and I don't care how in shape I am - I'll always let her kick my ass. Aside from beating ass, she's also modelled and stared in Ring Girls, a cult film about women Muay Thai fighters.  Most impresively (to people of my generation, anyway) she's been an american-fucking-gladiator.
Make no caption jokes? Yes Ma'am.

     By now, you're probably wondering why I've yet to mention a surfer. Why have I ignored the girls who's unforms are either skintight wetsuits or bikinis. It wasn't easy to pick just one, with so many hot girls out on the waves. I finally had to narrow it down to just one hot surfer girl, Karina Petroni. She's hot enough to melt snow if she tried to snowboard, so we turn on ESPN2 to watch her work the board. Watching her barefoot on her shortboard is enough to give you a longboard, and she makes me wanna whip out the Sex Wax for a little double overhead. These surf puns doing anything for you? If not, just enjoy the pic.
If she can hold her breath, I've got a diving exercise for her.

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