Wednesday, April 15, 2015

Guest Spots, Lies, and Automobiles

It's polite to grant people the benefit of the doubt, it's nice to assume a falsehood is a mistake, or any of the innumerable farces shoved in our faces nearly constantly are just little white lies or marketing schemes. However, the easier path we take has led us to just shrug off such discrepancies as harmless or none of our business. Such a small lie can't affect you individually or hurt you... Until it does, and the only people we can really blame are ourselves. 

Lance Armstrong was an icon and not just for his closet full of yellow shirts. He was the cancer survivor, the unfaltering chatterbox of positivity who got us all (well, you all. I hate yellow) to buy rubber band bracelets showing support. When the news broke that he wasn't living strong as much as juicing strongly, he forfeited half his wardrobe and we all went back to decrying Tiger Woods for perpetuating half a stereotype. No harm done, right? 

President Clinton was just a simple case of a horny guy cheating on his ice queen wife. It was natural, so who cares? It's not like we expect our politicians to tell anything other than half truths and whole lies, and Anthony Wiener didn't even try to lie after a while. But why care? That's just how politics and the media work, since they're so intertwined, it's OK that they are so similar. Yes? 


We still have entertainment and politics as two entities in our minds, and we treat political messages from entertainers with the same lack of scrutinization as we do as song lyrics or movie dialog. When a politician gets caught, we do the opposite, and it's hurting us. In the aforementioned examples, Lance Armstrong basically stole from millions of people, and the former President had an extramarital fling WHILE putting money in our cumulative bank. They tried to impeach the lesser of the two evils, and the monotesticled media mogul looked sad on Oprah and we all moved on. 

Why does any of that matter? Because when a ridiculously obscene comedian, Sarah Silverman, blatantly lies about receiving less pay for the same work as Todd Barry at a New York Club, she's stoking a fire that's trying to die. The gender wage gap is quickly dwindling to nil, even reversed in many fields, and Ms Farthumor McJewjoke just needed attention. Don't misunderstand, I've seen both Sarah Silverman and Todd Barry live, they are both hilarious (and not equally so. I'm looking at you, Barry) but to tell such a boldfaced lie about such a sensitive topic when their routine consists almost exclusively of gross-out humor that levels gender differences, it makes them seem disingenuous. It's a misrepresentation at best, sexist and misandrist pandering at worst. If we don't demand action from this, we'll just fall victim to it again

The next time you climb up on the cross, Sarah, tell a lie that's harder to disprove. In the meantime, I'll watch someone else's standup.
Pictured: A bitch

Sunday, August 12, 2012


So turns out starting a podcast is a bit more complicated than we originally thought. Especially since Dave is working like a Hebrew slave. Although I'm not sure Hebrew slaves get paid overtime. I'm probably gonna go with not so much. Anyhoozen, the podcast is coming I assure you. In the meantime, since I'm on summer break I'll try to come up with something for you guys to read. That, or I'll publish something Dave hasn't finished yet. Ya know, to irritate and embarrass Dave. As is my call in life. If you have questions/comments hit up the comment box below. No trolls allowed.

Saturday, June 9, 2012

TerriblyMellow Audio show! Look for it here on June 23rd! Email us at and for details, questions, suggestions, general accolades.

For now, our domain ( redirects here, but plans are in motion to make that our permanant home.


Friday, June 8, 2012

While we wait, support our friend. It's a fantastic cause and Tom (the Terribly) and I (the Mellow) support it 100%

Click here, like the status. Donate to the charity on the main page.
Click here to donate.
Semper Fi

God/Buddha/FSM/IPU/Whatever Deity you subscribe to bless this man. Rick Trevino is trying to raise $20,000 for the Wounded Warrior Foundation. These troops were wounded fighting for your freedom and the gov't doesn't do enough. Give until it hurts, because it still won't hurt as bad as their combat injuries.

Semper Fi

Our own domain, same old content... for now.

The podcast/audioshow is coming. Getting mics and software set up as we speak. This is happening

Tuesday, January 24, 2012

I Ever Tell You About The Time........

One of the promises me and Dave made to each other and to you (the reader), is that this would never turn into a crazy rant. However, I think Dave has already broken that promise a few times. But, I guess that's just what happens when Daddy touches you at night. Anyways, being the dork that I am I was playing Left 4 Dead 2 with Dave when we started talking about how of all of the characters of the Left 4 Dead series, that Ellis would be the best one to have with you in the actual zombie apocalypse. Ellis, in my opinion, exhibits all the traits one would find desirable in a comrade in arms against the undead.

The first and most awesome reason to keep Ellis around is his gigantic balls of steel. This is clearly demonstrated when Ellis bestowed upon us the gem of wisdom that is his motto of, "Kill all sons of bitches." That motto is one so profound it could inspire even the most cowardly companion to turn into a regular wrecking machine of death and destruction.

"Ellis has shown me the way. Uuuuuuuuuh"

Next, is his sense of humor. Nothing is more important in a situation as dire as the zombie apocalypse as someone who can tell a good joke. Think about it. You're tired, hungry, scared shitless, and all you wanna do is go home and stumble on your computer. (Yeah I know who our primary audience is.) Then along comes some insane or wild comment from Ellis' mouth, a comment that is so absurd that you can't help but laugh at. Therefore, allowing you to relax a moment, allowing your mind to rest. This mental rest Ellis provides could be what keeps you alive when you should have already been devoured by your neighbors.

Also, let's not forget the obvious trait as to why Ellis would make a great companion. He's white. Or at least not black. If there's anything we've learned from multiple horror films, the black dude (or lady, don't wanna be sexist here) is the first to go. So you at least know that Ellis won't be among the first to die. Although I'm pretty sure he's Teddy Roosevelt incarnate, but only 10% as awesome. Teddy Roosevelt probably wouldn't even need a gun in the Zombie Apocalypse.

"Zombies?! Yeah, I'll get to it right after I get done slaying Bigfoot and violating his mother."

Outy 500

(Dave is making me do these sign offs so you know who to blame.)

Wednesday, September 21, 2011

UnF**king Facebook

d_silhouette_finger     You know, America spent 100,001 YEARS (true story) on Facebook last month, and they reward us by unveiling this POS update?

    Fortunately, clever facebooker, Thomas Sobiech, figured it all out! He says, "Create a custom list and name it 'Most Recent.' Add all of your friends to it. Once created, this list will look and behave exactly like your old news feed.”

    Once the customized list is created, every new friend will have to be added to it. You can manage the content displayed under “Manage Lists” and then “Choose Update Types” to hide certain types of posts, such as annoying game updates. Those of you with fewer friends will find the workaround much easier than the asses with thousands of friends. Perhaps, those DBags will think twice before “friending” everyone under the sun.
    Sadly, this does nothing to correct that weird status ticker, which we’ll have to put up with until Facebook fixes this mess, or we all leave FB like we left MySpace.  Google+ is looking really good after today.

P.S., You can try to share this link if you’d like, though I doubt the new update will allow anyone to see it. Feel free to send this via personal link with everyone. Ctrl-Z the madness!